Old is when......
A lady goes to the
bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender
gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th
birthday and it's
today."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In
fact, this one
is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to
buy you a
drink, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of
water."
"Coming up," says
the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you
one, too."
The old woman says,
"Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of
water."
"Coming right up,"
the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the
Scotch with
only two drops of
water?"
The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold
your liquor.
Holding your water,
however, is a whole other issue."
**********
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you
answer,
"Pick one; I can't
do both!"
"OLD " IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and
you're
barefoot!
"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the
garage
door.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you
don't have
to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN . You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the
police.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any
fiber today!
"OLD" IS WHEN ... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... you tell your friends you're having an affair, and they ask who's the caterer?.
AND
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are not sure these are jokes.